D’s Top Tips on... Asserting more of ME!!

I trust these “tips” will go some way to aid you in your personal growth and development. Happy reading...


Do any of these scenarios ring a bell?

  1. You never get to eat the meal that you like at home or with your friends.
  2. You are sitting having coffee/cappuccinos with your friends and someone makes a statement that you fundamentally disagree with, yet you keep quiet, not wanting to disturb the ‘peace’.
  3. Once again the Christmas dinner is at your house, when every year you vow that you would never host it again.
  4. When asked by your waiter, whether you enjoying your meal, you meekly say yes, whilst knowing that you ordered a medium-rare steak, not a well done steak
  5. You find yourself doing all the work, although you thought this was supposed to be a partnership.
  6. Your partner/spouse is not giving you the attention you deserve and expect, but your cold shoulder will do the trick you think?

If you answered “that’s me” to any of these scenarios...Here are some top tips that will go a long way to improve your ability to assert yourself in your interactions:

  1. Know the facts relating to the situation and have the details at hand (prepare yourself) – for example, over the last 2 months we have not followed our agreed family menu of our preferred meals. I feel my needs have been ignored and I am feeling resentful towards you guys because of this – I would like my favourite meal , Roast Chicken to be on the menu on Monday please”
  2. Understand those “hot buttons” that get you going and ask yourself why am I reacting like this?  - for example, standing in long queues, bad taxi drivers, people that interrupt you when you are speaking.
  3. Become an “I” specialist. Avoid using words like “you” “us” or “one” – take ownership for how you are feeling, and express that using I language (eg: ‘I feel hurt and unappreciated when you take me for granted’) and not (When one is not acknowledged one can feel unappreciated and hurt”).
  4. Be ready for - anticipate - other people's behaviour and prepare your responses. For example, count to 5 before your respond, Listen to what is being said and not what you are trying to process in your mind. Practise active listening!!
  5. Prepare and use good open questions that create conversation and lead to better understanding and insight for both parties. E.g. Now that we are married and have two families to take into consideration with Christmas dinner, how do you think we should go about doing this, so that we don’t end up having Christmas dinner at our house every year?
  6. Practise your affirmations of how you want to see yourself reacting to people and/or situations. Display these positive writings where you will read them often - it's a proven successful technique. Eg: ‘I am confident and enjoy being able to freely express my opinions, feelings and thoughts in all situations’
  7. Understand yourself talk (you know that voice that you’re hearing right now as you’re reading this) and write down examples of your own self talk. Where does it come from? How is it impacting on you? And others?
  8. Practise! Practise! Practise – as with anything in life, if you want to succeed it takes effort.

 

Take Away: Being assertive is exercising your right to express your thoughts, feelings and opinions confidently, calmly, and appropriately without fear, guilt or anxiety.